Donnerstag, 9. September 2010

no word from google

google has not yet said anything about the status of my adsense application. i guess google has little trust in ex-cons. yet another example of how unwilling people are to give second chances.

Montag, 6. September 2010


i always wondered why aliens treat the human anus as the most important research topic there is. have you ever heard of an ear-probe or a nostril-probe? me neither.

i don't know what it is, but when you are incarcerated, suddenly the human (and by human i mean male) anus gradually becomes the center of all your attention. this has led me to believe, that all the aliens that stop by earth must be ex-cons.

Freitag, 3. September 2010

how i made a new guy my bitch one day

one time a new guy had to stay in my cell. without prior conversation i winked at him, said "you are my princess" and made a long cheese cartoon kissing sound.

naturally everybody tries to make everybody his bitch. by that time i was still pretty new myself. the other guy was pretty impressed of how quick he was my bitch. i was a good bitchdaddy at first.

Donnerstag, 2. September 2010

poop fights

nobody was allowed to have a weapon. there was still conflict though. when one inmate found a way to carry a weapon, the others quickly adapted. after a short while it was common to carry a short weapon (like a short pipe) inside your anus. in order to use the weapon it had to be quickly pooped out. the first person to poop out their weapon usually won the fight, which is why it was practiced to perfection. even the best poop fighters still took about 10 seconds or more to get their weapon ready.

it was always fun to watch these fights. there was always these few seconds before a fight when nothing happened but two guys facing each other squatting down, pants down to their ankles, making a strange face. some guys with life sentences always touched themselves during those fights.

i've heard that some guards trade or sell copies of these fights taken by security cameras.

Mittwoch, 1. September 2010


many inmates tried to kill themselves. since nowadays anything can be turned into a weapon (thanks macgyver) you would hardly see anything dangerous. no sheets, no napkins, no pens, you get the picture. whenever something dangerous was around there was usually someone getting ready to cease the moment.

when i first got out i was overwhelmed by the amount of potential danger i was perceiving. this incredible sense of discofort overcame me, every time i saw a straw or a paper cup on the ground.

Dienstag, 31. August 2010


to this day i can't ride escalators. sometimes there is only the escalator and no stairs. i hate that.
escalators remind me of this guy in prison, his nickname was escalator. he would always come back, never stop moving and made people ride him.

Montag, 30. August 2010

shower room

when i took my first shower i was scared. when i entered the steaming hot room i could perceive tiny words on the wall. i approached the writing and read "rule #2: liquid soap can't be picked up again". "thats really good to know" i thought. "but what is rule #1?" i asked out loud?. a big, muscular guy came closer from behind and whispered in my ear: "always point your back at the wall" while he spread my ass cheeks and had his way.

screaming should be common in universities, because it really helps you learn.

Sonntag, 29. August 2010

what i learned very quickly

when a big hulk-like dude made me his bitch on the first day i was hoping that the condition of being a bitch would only last one day. boy was i wrong. in retrospect having thought that makes me feel naïve.


if you have a friend in jail, don't bring him a cake with a file or cigarettes, bring him stool softener.


it is important to become healthy and fit. more workout means less rape. i learned that on the first day.
crunches and pushups are a must.

noobie guide for following

want to have more people following you? here is how.

when you follow someone, your picture is in their list. when your picture gets clicked two things are important.
first your blog must be linked in "links", otherwise people can't find your blog.
the other import thing is that you need to have a picture (preferably a meme). dont ask my why but i tend to click more on people that have a picture.

to get even more followers, click on the followers of blogs you follow, follow the followers and write comments with a link to your blog.

check your own list once in a while and follow everybody that follows you.

link this article in the comments of blogger who only have a few followers.

most important: follow me at

i follow back if you have a link linked.


the food wasn't that bad. there was only one problem. inmates who would flirt with the guards wouldn't get food all day. i always had to choose between flirting and food. i discovered you can make soup out of shoelaces, soap and mouthwash and dust. after my discovery i could flirt a lot more.


i pretended to be illitarate. out of mercy the guards would read to me sometimes. now that i am free there is no one to read to me.

Samstag, 28. August 2010

First Entry

In this Blog i will write about my time in prison. I am under the impression that there is only the first day and second days, hence the name.